Sara, one half of the duo behind Womensync , became a mother to a little boy, Nilo, ten months ago. We meet and talk about entrepreneurship and the incredible community they have managed to build through Womensync, but above all, what it has been like in the first days as a mother – about expectations, challenges, solutions and myths.
About Sarah
Family: Fiancé Dan, son Nilo, born August 2023
Does: Runs Womensync , a company that works with women's health, partly by spreading knowledge in the field and by selling various related products via their webshop. Since the start of 2020, Sara and her co-founder Susanna have managed to build a large and engaged community around issues related to women's health and openly share their own lives and experiences related to body, health and well-being. Womensync is today a team of four people and they send hundreds of orders a week from their e-commerce.
How would you describe what it has been like for you to become a mother?
- It has actually felt so natural. I probably didn't have that many expectations about the role of parent, so I can best describe it as being very natural. I think it's so fascinating that every day he becomes more and more of a little person. Since the pregnancy, I have felt so curious about him, his personality, who he is. However, I am a little traumatized by the birth itself, and I think that at first it was difficult to even think about giving birth to another child at some point in the future.
Was there anything specific that happened during the birth?
- I had an incredibly fast dilation phase and since that is not usually the case for first-time mothers, I was advised to stay home. I felt so alone and not trusted. The contractions were so intense and painful and I felt abandoned. By the time I was allowed to come in for labor, I was 10 cm dilated and it was time to push. The final phase went well, but I really needed to be in the right place, with the right support and possible pain relief much earlier.
Sara says that she felt a great need to talk about the birth in order to process the experience. "I can't understand some people who barely talk about the birth afterwards! They just mention it in passing when you meet the baby for the first time! Crazy, because it's such a big thing to go through as a woman. I've wanted to talk about everything, and I still want to."
About expectations and challenges
What has been your biggest challenge as a mother?
- Both breastfeeding, the hormonal adjustment and the lack of recovery have been challenging. Breastfeeding because I had a sore nipple early on that never got better and caused a lot of pain throughout breastfeeding, the hormonal adjustment that made me feel so down at times in the first months, and the lack of rest that came from Nilo not sleeping for any longer periods, and that we would be far too social there in the beginning... and yes, at the same time balancing with work to keep Womensync rolling of course.
How have you been feeding?
- I breastfed for eight months but started bottle training when Nilo was a few weeks old to get him used to accepting a bottle too. We did this to make it more flexible and to be able to hand over the feeding to Dan at some point if needed. Now that I've stopped breastfeeding, I sometimes wonder why I didn't stop a little earlier. I had such terrible pain in one breast and I feel a little sad when I think about letting myself suffer for so long.
We talk a bit about expectations and Sara says that she had a fear of how the psychological strain of having children, which you can hear about, might manifest itself in her.
- Postpartum psychosis, postpartum depression, breastfeeding psychosis – that kind of thing scared me as I have several in my family who have suffered from this. I decided to bring it up with my midwife at MVC. This led to me actually getting a doctor's appointment at the maternity hospital I was going to give birth at to go over how to recognize these conditions as a preventative measure, and to investigate whether it could be that I had an increased risk of psychosis as a result of having a child, with all that that entails. I didn't. In addition to asking about my history of mental illness, they asked a lot about whether I felt great fear before giving birth, which I didn't. It was really nice to be able to vent my fear and learn more about this. It's so important that this is talked about more as it is so extremely taboo.
Biggest myth about becoming a mother?
- That you should forget about childbirth! I think you hear that as soon as it's over, it's forgotten in favor of the new focus on the baby. For me, this is so foreign because it's something I definitely won't forget. I think it's important to talk about not forgetting or romanticizing your childbirth, but increasing acceptance of different emotions and normalizing talking about and processing childbirth experiences, both on an emotional and physical level.
Regarding support and encouragement, Sara says that, in addition to the support from her fiancé Dan, she has felt a strong sisterhood with other women since becoming a mother. She describes it as friends with children being a great support, and that women in the Womensync community have shared very valuable experiences.
And if you were to go back in time and give yourself some advice?
- Then I would like to give myself the advice not to book in so much in the first month after giving birth, but to give myself time to rest and heal. Even though I had heard that advice myself, I didn't follow it, which I regret. I might also have advised myself to finish breastfeeding a little earlier.
Have you received any unsolicited advice?
- Well, I don't know what to do... but at first I remember feeling uncomfortable when people asked "Should he breastfeed again?" Nilo ate extremely often at first, and even though it was probably not meant as criticism, it felt hard to be "pointed out" about breastfeeding, which was still something new and overwhelming. Not least just trying to feel relaxed sitting half-naked and breastfeeding among other people.
About personal time and relationships
What do you do when you have a rare moment to yourself?
- Besides working, I try to prioritize taking a little SPA time for myself in the bathroom. Some music and massage with my Gua Sha to boost the lymphatic system and reduce tension, dry brushing my body, taking a hot shower and applying a lovely (natural and perfume-free) oil.
What would you like to do if you had more time for yourself?
- Haha, same but maybe I'll have time for my IR lamp too!
Has your partner done anything memorable to support you in motherhood?
- He takes great responsibility for the home, shopping, cooking and doing the dishes.
How did your relationship with your partner change after you became parents?
- It has just felt so good and nice that we are a small family. We are both self-employed and set up a plan early on to optimize our energy levels, or avoid both of us getting too tired at the same time. What we do is that we sleep in different rooms – me and the baby in one room during the weekdays and Dan undisturbed in another. On Friday and Saturday we switch, so then I get to sleep undisturbed and sleep in in the morning. It has worked great for us and I think it has reduced potential irritation between us. I recommend it to anyone who has the opportunity to sleep in different rooms.
What trait do you hope your child has inherited from you?
- I hope he dares to discover the world and dares to follow his heart!
Is there a stage in your child's life that you are particularly looking forward to?
- Yes, until we can start fantasizing together!
